Taarof in Iran

Taarof is everywhere in Iran — sometimes a subtle dance, sometimes an outright wrestling match over who is paying (the winner pays, not the looser). Taroof comes in many forms and ways. In Western cultures, communication tends to be direct. In Iran, Taarof introduces a layer of graceful ambiguity: people say things they don’t always mean literally, not to deceive, but to show courtesy.

Taarof in Everyday Life

Here are some ways you will encounter Taarof — and how to handle it gracefully:

• At the shop or bazaar. “Ghabel nadare!” — “it’s not worthy of you”. A symbolic way of downplaying the value of the product. Thank them for their kindness and pay anyway. 
• Taxi Rides or other services. “Mehmoone ma hastid” — “You’re my guest.” Offer the fare with a smile. It’s polite to insist; most drivers expect it.
• At Someone’s Home. Hosts will offer food, tea, or sweets repeatedly. Refuse once or twice, then accept. Just like in many other cultures, outright refusing offered food can be perceived as rude.
• Compliments & Gifts. Be careful when admiring something too much at someone’s home, they may offer it to you as a present. Thank them warmly; and decline repeatedly. 
• Invitations. “You must come to my home anytime!” is usually a friendly gesture. Decline repeatedly. Only if they follow up with a concrete plan, you can tell it is a real invitation.
• Paying the bill at a restaurant. A bit more tricky. If you are the one inviting, make sure you pay the bill. If it’s the other way round, you often won’t have realised that the bill was paid until you leave. It is not common to split the bill in Iran.

“Befarmaeed” – a word you will hear a lot in different contexts. 

• Before entering: “You go first” a way of honouring you
• To invite someone in: “come in” when welcoming a guest 
• To offer a seat: “please sit down” 
• To offer food: “please, have some food”. 
• To give an item: “here you go”